By AnnaLee
I’ve been singing since I could talk. I would drag around a little stool when I was a kid. I’d find anyone who would listen, stand on my stool and demand their attention by clapping and saying, “Listen to me!” Then, once I had their undivided attention, I would proceed to sing my Vacation Bible School songs or about my brother telling me to hush up.
Not much has changed. I may not be dragging around my little stool, demanding attention, but by the grace of God I’m still singing and clapping my hands! I’m thankful for this gift and I’m honored to use it for Him. However, I’m guilty. Guilty of going through the motions. Guilty of singing the songs with my mouth, but not my heart. Guilty of offering up rather mundane, lack luster, half-hearted praise.
We sing a song in church called Ever Be by Bethel. We sing the words “Your praise will ever be on my lips.” I have led this song numerous times and, to be honest, it had lost its meaning for me. Recently, though, these words were revived in my heart. Not too long ago, I was 12 weeks pregnant with our second child. For reasons I may never truly understand, I had a miscarriage. It was a complicated one and through it, I lost over a third of my blood. This single event took a devastating toll on my body and my soul. I was weak and felt so emotionally lost. Confused and afraid. Broken and hurting. I am too emotional of a person to handle that! But GOD.
Oh, but God. God is good, y’all! With His unrelenting love, He shouldered my weakness and filled me with His strength. The peace which surpasses all understanding that’s talked about in Philippians 4:7? It has become a little clearer to me now. Though there is still pain and hurt because of our loss, my gracious Heavenly Father who sees me and knows me has given my heart the strength to say I will still praise Him. The Lord has put a new song in my heart! I don’t feel mundane anymore; I once again feel like the kid I was those years ago dragging around my stool, clapping my hands pleading for people to listen because I want them to know that God has done, is doing, and will continue to do marvelous things!
Because of my faith in Christ, I am choosing to lean into Him during this season. Though I am still very saddened over the loss of my sweet baby, I am able to mourn as one who has Hope. In and of myself I am in no way capable of being able to handle this season of my life. And that, folks, is the beauty of it! We don’t have to be tough enough to deal with things on our own; God wants to glorify himself through us by doing the impossible in our lives. So take heart! Press into Him! He is the God of the impossible and will do more than you could ever ask or imagine! I was scared to face my emotions as a result of my miscarriage, but I will say it again, and shout it from the roof tops; God is good y’all! Only because of Him have I been able to walk through this with His strength and hope. I will continue to trust that this is being used for my good and, ultimately, His glory.
So now, with a renewed sense of worship, I sing. My faith has grown and my praise is, again, an utterance of my heart’s longing to worship my Creator. His praise will ever be on my lips! Not by my strength, but by His and His alone. All of this would be impossible without God. He is why I sing! Will you join me?
“Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things” Psalm 98:1
“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.” Psalm 100:1-2
